I welcome back my friend and parallel consultant, Heidi Indahl, to continue sharing her insights on the challenges and blessings of parish faith formation. Welcome back, Heidi! You can see more of her articles on parish faith formation here.

“Whose Dog Is It?“

Once upon a time, my husband worked as an educational expert for a major medical research institution.  It was common to be at meetings with dozens of people, all of whom were considered top experts in their highly specialized field.  “MD, PhD, both, or how many” was a common response to introducing oneself.  Everyone had publications and multiple high level credentials. 

This sometimes causes tension because almost everyone was used to being the smartest person in the room! My husband’s boss at the time shared a little trick to help remind himself when to keep his mouth shut on a topic or at least when to cede to someone with more knowledge and expertise- “Whose dog is it?”

Be it at the dog park or the boardroom, people have a degree of authority about their “stuff”. It can be tempting to place criticism and blame on those who do not appear to be taking their stuff seriously.  It is exhausting to continually take on work that is meant for others. 

On the other hand, it is productive and hopeful to focus on those things which are in our realm of control. I think this ‘whose dog is it’ concept is something that can help us clarify a few things about catechetical responsibility while reducing the blame game when it comes to the formation of young people.

Where should our focus actually be?

Unsurprisingly, the Catechism helps us. I like to use the following two excerpts from the section on the duties of parents for an overview assignment of responsibility. (Emphasis mine) 

(2223) Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery – the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the “material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones.” Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them.

and

(2226) Education in the faith by the parents should begin in the child’s earliest years. This already happens when family members help one another to grow in faith by the witness of a Christian life in keeping with the Gospel. Family catechesis precedes, accompanies, and enriches other forms of instruction in the faith. Parents have the mission of teaching their children to pray and to discover their vocation as children of God.  The parish is the Eucharistic community and the heart of the liturgical life of Christian families; it is a privileged place for the catechesis of children and parents.

Let’s pull some key phrases to break that down into two categories- groups of stuff. 

Family	Parish
First Responsibility Witness to the Gospel Teaching On Prayer Education in the Virtues Vocational Discovery Apprenticeship	Eucharistic Community (Sacraments) Privileged Place of Catechesis (Lifelong faith formation built from family foundations) Heart of Liturgical Life (Sacraments surrounded by vocational supports/community)

These two lists are intricately connected. When the parish provides well for the sacramental needs of its people, it supports and expands everything under the family list. Parishes, however, burn out quickly when they start trying to replace parents or focus too much on the family side of the list.  They can end up stuck in a negative spiral off all the things families are not doing and forget those things that they are.  

While some families may not fully understand the things that fall on their side, they have taken first steps in having their children baptized and bringing them to faith formation.  This is not nothing. 

Once we acknowledge these realities, we can build forward from there.  We- as the privileged place for catechesis of children and parents– can identify that the formation needs of the parents includes strengthening those items on the left for the parents while continuing to support the sacramental needs of the children and building on the foundations that do exist. This helps in creating a liturgical heart for the children even while the parents are still growing themselves.  

It is crucial to note that the best approach for each community is going to be unique, but the balance of responsibilities remains consistent. 

In the year 2025, one could say we live in the age of the expert.  We frequently farm out personal decisions to a committee of professionals carefully selected to meet our goals, biases, and options.  Almost from the moment of birth, families can be found seeking expert sports, musical or academic training.  We sometimes slip into a trap of assuming our selected experts can handle things better than we can.

When it comes to faith formation, however, it simply can’t be this way.  Parishes should be strengthened in their liturgical and sacramental authority while supporting parents in their duties as primary educators without taking over. Parents should actively engage in parish activities, resources, and especially the sacraments but must resist the urge to let the “experts” lead the way.  (Unless we are talking about the Holy Spirit- then follow away!) 

By clarifying the roles and relationship between the family and the church in our own hearts and minds, we can more easily meet families where they are and join them on their faith journey from any starting point.  

People wanting to connect with Heidi and her consulting work can contact her at co********@*****************ay.com .