We’re ceding our space in The Mark 5:19 Project article bank to our colleague in ministry, Heidi Indahl, to continue her series on family formation. Thanks for your ongoing contribution to our space, Heidi! –Susan Windley-Daoust
It is often quipped that an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. What might that mean for our local families? Where can we intervene early and interrupt the cycles of broken, hurting, overwhelmed families? The same ones who later struggle to engage with their Catholic community and live lives of missionary discipleship. Returning to the topic of family advocacy through accompaniment (you can read the first article here), today I want to discuss establishing trust in the Church as a person who walks with families from their very earliest days.
(*Please note: While I don’t personally work in marriage preparation, those I consult with wear many hats and this is a related conversation that I have been part of when it comes to meeting families where they are. Those I work with share that while spiritual preparation for marriage is emphasized- or at least present- on paper, that is often not what they see happening in practice. I included marriage preparation in this article because it is the clear starting line to the family. Take my brief comments on the topic with that in mind. )
The Sacrament of Matrimony
When a couple enters into a period of engagement and comes to the church requesting the sacrament of matrimony, they bring with them a set of desires. Not just for each other, but to include the Church in the marking of this moment in their lives. In the spirit of honesty, I think we can agree that the reasons for this desire are mixed and not all theologically flawless–but the desire is undeniably present.
Can we start there? Through the already required marriage preparation, can we do more than pass couples along to the next grade by checking boxes? Can we help them explore and discover their individual identity, relationship with God, and mission? Can we help them honestly look at the ways those things change and grow in relationship with each other through the sacrament? In short, can we make sure the spiritual foundations of a healthy family are laid alongside the practical topics of conversation about finances and family planning?
I think with a little creativity and holy stubbornness we can do exactly that. Consider helping couples think of their marriage prep as a retreat in daily life, or even offering an actual retreat rather than a workshop or class to attend. Offer real life mentors and examples of couples along a spectrum of family situations (both small and large families, working and stay at home parents, etc). Rather than a to-do list, help couples see their spiritual preparation as a refreshing respite from the exciting, but stressful at times, wedding planning. Help them see Sunday Mass as an extension and part of that respite. This can help set the stage for making choices down the road as family life grows even busier.
You may not be able to prepare every couple ideally and not every couple will be instantly convinced, but the seeds planted here could germinate for many years to come.
The Sacrament of Baptism
A few years down the journey of family life, many of these couples will return to the church requesting the sacrament of baptism for a new little one. This is another opportune moment to intervene early in the life of the family. Again, the parents’ desires for their child have made an impact that leads to the decision to request this sacrament. We can and should value this desire.
Baptism is the sacramental point at which we welcome children into their lifelong journey of discipleship. From there they enter into a period of faith development through the family where the gospel is proclaimed and very early catechesis begins. Somewhere around age six they likely enter into formal catechesis through the parish. Through later catechesis and the sacramental life lived together at home and through the parish, they are invited into a life of missionary discipleship that will continue for their entire lives.
In families where parents are not living the life of missionary discipleship, the second step in a child’s faith development–proclamation— is interrupted, with significant impacts for the child and the parish catechesis efforts. How do we fill the hole, welcoming both parents and children for this period of proclamation?
One answer among many is to enter into a systematic period of invitation and hospitality directed towards the families who come to our parishes for the sacrament of baptism. We can intentionally and systematically invite these families back to Mass- back to hear Jesus proclaimed- by taking the opportunity to educate them on why attending Mass is so important and help them build skills to support their child’s early relationship with Jesus, even if they don’t yet understand their own relationship. In this way, the period of proclamation continues for the child alongside a period of pre-evangelization (trust building) for parents.
In the rite for the sacrament of baptism, parents agree to accept the responsibility of training their child in the practice of the faith. Unfortunately, many families struggle to understand what this means. They don’t understand the very real benefits of attending Mass for themselves and their children and fail to engage with the parish in the years following baptism.
The Baptism and Early Childhood toolkit was created using the Designed for Discipleship system to help support this period of invitation for young families. Inside you will find resources for the first six years of life that will help parents recognize and delight in the wonder of their child’s faith development, understand the importance of attending Mass, and make connections with the parish that will endure for years to come. You can check it out here.
Early intervention doesn’t solve everything, and there will always be more work to do. But by making adjustments to the way we approach sacramental preparation and follow through at key life junctures of the family, families will start to trust that we- the church– are indeed walking with them. Getting married and having babies are becoming more and more counter-cultural almost every year. Families need to be assured that we see, know, and value their presence from the very beginning. In this way, we can start to draw affiliated but not involved families into the life of the parish and more importantly into a relationship with Jesus.
If you want to learn more about Heidi and Tim Indahl’s apostolate, Designed for Discipleship, peruse their website and offerings. They offer multiple opportunities for consulting, workshopping, and speaking to promote family-sensitive faith formation and Catholic education that works.
